


To be with you

by just_spn_trash



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 9x03, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, April didn't happen, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Blow Jobs, Bottom Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, First Kiss, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Human Castiel (Supernatural), I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Top Castiel (Supernatural), Virgin Castiel (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:15:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24829687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_spn_trash/pseuds/just_spn_trash
Summary: Post 9x03 when Dean tells Castiel to leave.Castiel hasn't had Sex with April, he's a total virgin.When Dean tells Cas to leave, Cas thinks about a way to convince Dean to let him stay, which leads to some unexpected activities...
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 10
Kudos: 117





	To be with you

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so this is my first fic on here and I'm not a native speaker. I have so many ideas in my head, but I struggle to write them down, so please be patient with me. Also, this fic is not beta'd, so any mistakes are mine.  
> I'd really appreciate if you would leave your opinion, so that I know what I can do better.  
> Have fun! :)

"...you can't stay."

The words are echoing in Castiels head and he just stares at Dean in disbelief, trying to find any sign that he's joking. He forgets to chew for a second, but then swallows down the rest of the burrito in his mouth and stands up.

"Is this really what you want? You don't want me to stay here?" he asks and tilts his head to hide how much Dean has hurted him. Dean doesn't say anything and looks down, his face hard as stone, his hands clenched, but Cas could see something in his eyes, something that gave him a tiny bit of hope. He lets out a sigh, while he slowly nods, his brows furrowed and his lips pressed together to a small line, almost unnoticable. 

"If this is what you want..." he mumbles with another sigh and leaves to his room, the room Dean chose just for him.

Dean stands there, his hands clenched to fists and his eyes darting at the floor, while he waits for Castiel to leave. When he's gone, he rubs his face with one hand, having the heavy feeling of guilt in his chest. He doesn't want this, never wanted Cas to leave, but this is his only option.

"Son of a..." Dean whispers and follows Cas in silence, his hands still clenched in anger about himself.

"Do you... need help? With... packing stuff?" Deans voice sounds tense, just like his whole body is. Cas shakes his head, while he gets out a bag and starts stuffing the few clothes he has into it. His gaze doesn't meet Deans, he's totally fixed on his task. "C'mon buddy, don't be like that now." Deans voice is just a mumble and again, he stares at the ground. 

"...Don't you feel it, too?" Castiels voice is as silent as Deans was and he slowly looks up, blue eyes meeting green ones.

"Feel what?" The hunters voice is tense, his heart racing in his chest. No, he's not feeling it. He's denying it. Denying it for so long.

"You know what I mean, Dean. You can feel it too." Castiel drops the bag on the bed and takes some slow steps in Deans direction. "You can feel it, and I know it. I'm human now, so I understand what it means. Human feelings still confuse me, but this - this is real. This is PURE." The ex-angel stands in front of Dean now, raising his hand and putting it on his arm.

Dean freezes, his eyes jumping back and forth, trying to find a spot to look at. "Feel what? Guilt? Hell yeah." He looks down again, thinking that the ground is the safest spot. He's on the verge of tears already, his heart is aching, but he can't tell. He can't give in. It's not about him. Cas has to be safe.

"Are you sure?" is all Castiel whispers and he moves his hand up to Deans face, cupping his cheek softly.

Dean jumps back immediately and his head snaps up. "Cas, don't..." he mutters in a desperate try to lock his feelings away, keeping them caged, just like all those years before. Long, hurtful years.

"Why not?" The ex-angel tilts his head again, but this time it looks like confusion. "Dean, I'm totally aware that this body isn't one you would choose, I know that you prefer a female body, but I can feel it. I can feel how you feel, I've heard your thoughts. I know you told me not to listen, but they were just so... LOUD."

Deans cheeks turn dark red and his jaw drops. "Y...you've HEARD them?"

The former angel nods and takes another two steps towards Dean, entering his personal space, even though he's aware that he shouldn't. "Please. Don't do this. I'll go. I'll leave you without a single word, but don't tell me you're not feeling it too."

The hunter swallows hard, staring at Cas like he has never stared at anyone else before. "I... I can't... you have to be safe. You have to stay away. They will find out and they... they will kill you..." he whispers, his heart racing and his hands shaking.

Castiel smiles, one of those little smiles that make Deans heart jump every time. "Let them try." He cups Deans cheek again, slower than before. This time, Dean leans into his touch with a deep and shaky breath. His eyes fall shut and he shivers, his skin feels like it's on fire where Castiel touches him.

"Cas, I..." is all that comes out of his mouth, broken and sad, before he finally gives in and leans forward, brushing his lips over the ex-angels ones just for a second. That second is enough, enough to break every wall he'd built up over the years.

Cas shivers by the touch of Deans lips and his eyes grow wide, while he tries to understand the feelings that start to spread in his chest. "Dean..." he whispers and cups his other cheek too. His vision blurs and he can feel his eyes getting wet, a thing that he'd only experienced once. 

Dean leans back again and holds his breath, his eyes also filled with tears. "You - you know that it's there. It always was. But... it's too dange-" He can't finish his sentence, because Cas leans forward again and presses his lips against Deans. He waits a few seconds, before he leans back once more and looks into the hunters eyes, these oh so beautiful green eyes.

Seeing Castiel almost crying for the first time ever breaks Dean. "Cas, we... we can't..." he whispers weakly. 

"Let it go, Dean." Cas' voice sounds broken and desperate at the same time. His thumbs brush over Deans deeply flushed cheeks, his body shaking, his thoughts racing. Is this a good idea? Could Dean be right? Is it too dangerous?

"Shit, Cas..." Dean licks his lips, his breath hitched. He softly places his hands on Castiels waist and leans forward again, too tired to fight it anymore, his wall too damaged to hide his feelings any longer. When their lips meet, it's soft and gentle and both of their bodys start burning, unsaid feelings tingling in their chests, ready to come out, ready to show what's been hidden over the years.

With a sudden move, Cas leans back, his eyes wide in shock.

"Shit, sorry Cas, I didn't mean to..."

"I think I have an erection." Cas blurts out and looks down. There's a huge bulge in his jeans, clearly to see. Dean follows his gaze and swallows hard, trying to hide his own reactions.

"Wow, that's, uh..."

"Do you mind?" Castiels face turns from confused and shy to something darker, more dangerous. 

"What? Uh, no..." Dean mutters and leans against the wall behind him, scared, but excited at the same time. The thought that he could be the former angels first, the only one that gives him pleasure, turns him on more than it should. 

"Good." Cas makes clear that the conversation is over with this word and kisses Dean again, his eyes falling shut.

Dean gasps and he presses his body even harder against the wall, but he can't deny that what Cas just said made his whole body burn like fire. He whimpers when their lips touch again and his eyes fall shut too, while he wraps his arms around Castiels waist and pulls him closer, just a bit, making sure that there's still enough space between them so that their boners won't touch. Dean wants this to be all about his feelings, he doesn't want to act like Cas is like a woman he'd just met at a bar. He wants it to be more than one night.

The ex-angel doesn't seem to care. He feels the blood of his now human body rushing through his veins, feels how his breath hitches with every single touch. He feels how his lungs fill with air when he leans back again, because he suddenly felt like he couldn't breathe, too lost in their kiss.

Their break lasts only a short while, because this time, Dean puts one of his hands on the back of Castiels head and pulls him close again. 

"Dean, I... I feel... strange..." Cas almost moans and a shiver runs down his spine. He's never felt anything like this before. Slowly, his hands leave Deans cheeks and drift down his neck, his shoulders, across his collarbones, right to his chest. The moves he makes feel like they aren't his own anymore, the instinct of his human body seems to take over and he couldn't be more thankful.

Dean leans back and bites his tongue, knowing that if they continue now, he couldn't hold himself back anymore. "Cas, that's not -"

"You want this too Dean, I can feel that you want it too." Castiels hand moves down and he cups the bulge in his jeans carefully, his face telling that he isn't sure what he's doing, but he likes it. When he touches the hunters crotch, something electrifying rushes through his whole body and he can feel himself getting even harder, which makes him furrow his brows for a second.

That's everything Dean needs. His body reacts immediately and his cock twitches against Castiels hand, a quiet moan escaping him, which he notices with surprise, because normally, he has no problems with controlling himself. "Bed. Now."

Dean pushes Cas away and leads him to the bed, until Cas can feel it at his legs, which makes him gasp a little. "Wanted this for so long..." Dean growls and gently pushes Cas down, before he lays down next to him and pulls him close to his body, his cock pressed against the ex-angels thigh. 

"You sure 'bout this?" Dean asks, looking into ocean blue eyes.

"Just kiss me" is the only answer he gets, before he can feel lips pressed against his own again, soft, but hard at the same time. The hunter moans once more, his hips slowly moving on its own, his cock grinding against Castiels thigh.

A quiet moan escapes Cas and again, he's surprised because of his own body, but it just feels too good to question it.

Dean traces his fingertips down Castiels back, until he reaches the hem of his shirt. "Fuck... Angel, you're drivin' me nuts..."

He pulls up Castiels shirt a bit and softly caresses his skin, which makes the former angel shiver and sigh quietly. 

"Dean... why didn't you tell me, that... this feels so good..." he mumbles quietly, before he pulls the hunter into another kiss, desperate and needy. 

Deans hands slide across Castiels skin like it's something he has done a thousand times before already and a smile spreads on his lips. Everything feels natural, everything feels like it's meant to be.

"Dean, please..." Cas begs, not even sure for what, but he feels the need to intensify this, to deepen it.

The hunter sits up with a sudden move, which gives him a confused look by the man next to him, but as soon as Dean pulls his own shirt over his head, Cas smiles and mimics the movements, so that both of them are shirtless within seconds.

A sudden boost of confidence makes Castiel sit up too, just to press Dean down into the sheets. He climbs on top of him, his knees next to Deans thighs and leans down to kiss him, wild and messy this time. Dean whimpers quietly when Cas pushes him down, but he doesn't complain. He wraps his arms around the angels back and pulls him closer, moaning by the feeling of skin to skin, hot and soft and... different than with every woman he'd slept before.

Castiels body takes over once more and his cock grinds against the bulge in Deans jeans, halting at first, but after a while, he found a rhythm which makes him feel even better than before. 

"Shit, won't last long like that..." Dean huffs out and tries to pull his waist back a bit, but Cas immediately follows and starts to kiss down Deans neck.

The hunter moans again, but he wants this to last, so he grabs Cas by his waist and turns them around, hovering above the angel now. Cas gasps again and looks at Dean with wide eyes, but then he licks his lips and his eyes get even darker. 

"Show me how you will, then" he growls and his voice sounds even deeper than normal, but also a bit hoarse, which makes him sound sexy as hell.

Dean starts grinning a bit, but then he leans down with another sudden move and playfully bites into Castiels neck. Cas rears up and whimpers after, feeling his cock twitch inside of his jeans. "Dean, it hurts..." he wails, feeling how his dick wants to get out of the fabric. 

Dean chuckles shortly. "Yeah, I know. Just need a bit more time." He starts exploring the angels upper body with his lips, kissing, licking, biting, all the way down, until he reaches the waistband of his jeans.

Castiel squirms, loud moans escaping his mouth. "Please, Dean... Please! Fuck..." he whimpers. Hearing Castiel swear for the first time ever makes Dean look up, his eyes wide in surprise, but his dick twitches in excitement.

Cas can't take it anymore, he can't survive much longer like that, at least he feels so, so he grabs Deans head and presses him down again. 

The hunter breathes in sharply, but as soon as his mouth is near Castiels skin again, his tongue flicks out and he moans by the taste of his angel. His fingers fumble with Cas' jeans button, but he's too impatient, so he just rips it open, which brings him another deep moan from Cas.

Dean quickly pulls down Castiels jeans and underwear, his cock jumping free and the hunter swallows hard. This is it, this is what he wanted for so long. What he's been hiding for years. Lazily, he wraps his hand around the angels shaft, which makes him shiver in pleasure. 

Cas gasps once more, the feeling of Deans skin on his dick almost overwhelms him. "Dean, please... do something..." he whines and squirms. 

Dean isn't thinking anymore. He never did it with a man before, but there's no fear, just pleasure and heat and... love. 

The knowledge hits him like a blow, hard and fast. He loves Cas, loved him for what feels like almost forever. Dean leans down a bit and his tongue flicks out, licking over the tip of Castiels cock, teasing, watching the angels reactions. 

Cas hisses, his teeth clenched and his jaw tense. His eyes are closed and he tries to process all the feelings, tries to understand them. 

The sound Cas makes is the confirmation Dean needs. He gently wraps his lips around the tip of his cock, moaning in pleasure. It feels strange, strange to have someone else's dick in his mouth, but the taste...

Tasting Cas almost makes Dean come untouched, his prick leaking some precum into his underwear already.

"Dean, that... feels good..." Castiel huffs out and looks down, so that the hunter can see his face. Castiels hair is messy, his cheeks are flushed and his eyes... 

There's almost no blue anymore, his pupils are dilated so much that he nearly looks like a demon now. A guttural sound escapes Dean because of the sight and he closes his eyes while he starts moving his head slowly, sure that he can't withstand Cas' gaze any longer. 

As soon as Dean starts moving his head, the former angels head drops back at the pillows and a moan escapes him, the loudest until now. He feels like he wants to explode, feels like Dean has the power to let him and put everything together at once.

But also, he feels like it isn't enough. He wants more. More of this. More of Dean. He pushes the hunters head away, gently, but determined. Dean looks up confused, but gasps when Cas pulls him up again and turns them around. He's hovering above the hunter once more, licking his lips, staring right into his soul. 

"I want more." Castiels voice echoes from the cold and hard walls in this room. Three words. Three words that make Dean almost burst. He swallows, staring into the angels eyes, still fighting to hold his feelings back, even though he knows it's impossible. "Then get what you want."

Cas looks hesitant and shy at first, but then he starts mimicing Deans movements from before, kissing his way down, until he reaches his waistband. He also opens Deans jeans quickly and pulls the fabric down, gasping by the sight of the hunters huge dick. 

"Need help?" Dean is clearly joking after Cas hasn't moved for a while, the corner of his moth twitches playfully. 

Castiels head snaps up and a hint of red adorns his cheeks, but he shakes his head. "I'm fully aware of what I'm doing. You're just so... beautiful."

"Cas, you can't call a guy 'beautiful'." Dean also blushes now, trying to hide how his heart started racing again by Castiels words. 

"Yes, I can. I just did it." With these words and a little smirk, Cas leans down and licks over the tip of Deans throbbing cock, moaning by the taste and the feeling of it. Dean inhales depply and tries not to show how much this little touch affects him, but his body isn't that reserved and his cock twitches, while a drop of precum forms on its tip.

"Shit... Cas, we can't... I won't last..." the hunter mutters and turns a bit to reach over to the nightstand, where he gets out a tiny bottle of lube he stowed there before he gave Cas the room, just in case. "Y'know what this is?"

"When I did some research about the human sexuality, I've seen this too, yes." Cas takes the bottle hesitantly, looking at it, then back at Dean. "How... do I use this?"

Dean chuckles, his heart aching with love for the totally innocent angel. "You lube your fingers with it. Make sure that it's lubed good enough, otherwise you'll probably hurt me."

Castiels eyes grow wide, but he nods and opens the bottle, spilling some of the liquid on his fingers. "Like this?"

"Yeah, just like this. And now, you... you'll open me up. There. But do it slowly." The hunter points to his ass and lifts his legs a bit so that Cas can see what he means.

Cas nods and brushes his fingers across Deans hole, hesitantly, but soft. Dean gasps and pulls Cas down into a hot and demanding kiss, trying not to put all of his feelings into it, but he feels like he's failing.

Cas moans quietly into the kiss and presses one of his fingers against the hunters hole, until the tip of it slips in.

Suddenly, a huge shiver runs down Deans spine and his eyes fall shut. This feels good. More than good. Better than he'd imagined. The little burning sensation makes it even better and he relaxes his body completely, making sure that Cas can finish his work as fast as possible. 

"Dean, it's so... tight." The former angel moves his finger a bit, pushing it in a bit deeper. How should this work? How will his penis fit in there? Questions are running through his mind, but he doesn't say them out loud. He trusts Dean fully and is sure that he knows what he's doing.

Another kiss. Tongues flicking out from time to time, their bodies moving against each other like it's the most normal thing on this earth. Castiel works Dean open and when Dean feels that he's ready, he breaks the kiss. 

"Okay, that's... enough. Now, lube it and position it there." The hunter sounds breathless, his whole body burning and his heart racing. He points to Castiels cock and licks his lips, waiting for him to finally do what he'd imagined for years. What he'd dreamt of. 

Cas follows Deans orders and when he positioned himself, he slowly moves forwards, pushing against his rim, wanting to feel Dean so bad. When his tip slips in, he moans loudly, the feeling of getting squeezed like that almost driving him crazy. 

"FUCK! Cas, just like... like this" Dean huffs out, his voice a bit higher than normal. 

The ex-angel continues pushing slowly, trying with every fiber of his body to go slow, to make sure that Dean is okay. 

Dean can't take it anymore, he needs the angel inside of him. Now. He wraps his legs around Cas' waist and pulls him towards him, causing the angel to slip in completely with one fluent move.

It burns, it hurts more than he thought, but it feels good, no, great. He bites his tongue and tries not to scream, tries to not tell the angel how much he loves him right then and there.

Cas groans, trying to understand all the sensations, his head dropping forward against Deans collarbone. "Dean..." he whispers, even though it sounds more like a shaky breath.

Dean squirms under Cas, his eyes closed and his breath comes jagged. "Shit... Cas, move please..." he huffs out, but Castiel shakes his head. "You have to... get used to it. I won't... hurt you." His teeth are clenched and his eyes are also pressed shut, while he tries to figure out what this hot and burning feeling in his lower stomach means.

The former angel waits a few more moments, before he slowly starts moving. His thrusts are hesitant at first, just like when he rubbed his cock against Deans, but after some seconds he finds a slow rhythm, which feels more than good.

Dean lets out a loud and throaty moan, his cock twitching and his muslces around Cas clenching. "Didn't know that... it would feel like... THIS..." His voice sounds more like a moan and he wraps his arms around Castiels neck, pulling him down into a wild and messy kiss. 

"Dean, I... I feel like... what's that feeling?" Cas mumbles after a while, breaking their kiss. His legs started shaking a few seconds ago and he feels like he would explode every second, so he stops moving and tilts his head, looking at the hunter.

"Shit, don't stop. Just... let it go..." Dean whispers and a shy smile spreads on his lips when he notices that Cas said the exact same thing to him not long ago. He hesitantly wraps one of his hands around his now throbbing dick and moans quietly, his eyes falling shut again. 

"Hmm... 'm close too..." Deans voice sounds desperate and he wiggles with his hips, trying to make the angel move again.

Cas nods and leans down to kiss the hunter once more, soft and gentle. He starts moving again and as soon as he feels the friction and Deans already clenching muscles around him, his pace falters a bit and he lets out a surprised moan, while he repositions his knees because he slid away a bit. 

The new angle makes Dean scream Castiels name and he almost immediately gets hit by a strong, breathtaking orgasm, which totally surprises him, but he doesn't question it. He bends his back, pressing his ass against the angels crotch and screams out his pleasure, words that make no sense, but he's sure Cas' name is often there. 

Castiels eyes grow wide and all the sensations push him over the edge too, Deans voice, the feeling of Deans orgasm, Deans words. His head falls forwards, right against the hunters collarbone again and he mumbles Deans name over and over, not even stopping when the waves of pleasure start to fade.

When Dean slowly starts to calm down, he softly places his hands on Castiels waist and rolls them over, which causes Cas to slip out and make Dean flinch a bit. 

The hunter slowly opens his eyes now and cups the angels cheek, caressing it softly with his thumb and smiling heavenly, before he leans forward and places a soft kiss on his lips. Both of them breathe heavily and just stare into the others eyes until they calmed down a bit.

"Dean, did you... did you mean it?" Cas blushes just a bit and suddenly avoids looking into Deans eyes, while his heartbeat increases.

Dean furrows his brows, looking at his angel in confusion. "Mean what?" he asks curiously, his hand not leaving Cas' now pretty warm skin.

"That... that you love me..."

Dean swallows hard and his eyes grow wide. Did he really say that? When? Maybe when he came? For some seconds, he can feel himself panicking, but then he takes a deep breath, which makes a little smile appear on his lips once more. Instead of saying anything, he just leans forward and kisses Cas again, before he sits up carefully and gets some tissues out of the nightstand to clean them up.

When he's done, he lays back down and pulls Cas into his arms, feeling totally tired all of a sudden. 

"If that was a yes, then... I... love you too, Dean. I've always loved you." Castiels voice is just a whisper, but the hunter hears the words clearly and his smile from before grows into a grin. "I know. But now we should sleep, we can talk tomorrow..."

Dean yawns and pulls Cas even closer, which makes the angel smile, but when he remembers that Dean still wants him to leave, it fades and he feels a heavy feeling in his chest. "Dean, but I have to go..."

"Shut up, I'll find a way. I'll find a way for everything..." Deans voice already drifts off, but he fights against the sleep.

"Find a way for what?" Cas asks quietly and looks up into Deans face with a frown. 

Dean yawns again and places a soft kiss on the angels forehead, before he completely drifts off into sleep, but not without answering.

"A way to... to be with you."

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Sam finally comes home from doing his research in a library near the bunker, he searches for Dean and Cas to tell them immediately what he found out, but he can't find them anywhere. When Deans room is also empty he frowns and knocks at Castiels door, which is right next to Deans. When he doesn't get an answer, he slowly opens it, but freezes when he sees Dean and Cas lying in the same bed, cuddling.

"Finally..."

He closes the door as silent as he can and a smile spreads on his face. He sighs and feels like a big weight just dropped from his shoulders, before he decides to do some more research, because he isn't feeling tired at all. 

And maybe, just maybe, Sam decides to make fun of Dean the next morning.

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I wanted this to be a 1000-1500 words oneshot, but I've written a bit more than I had planned.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it and I'm always thankful for any kind of comments. Let me know what you liked and what I can do better! :)
> 
> See you next time <3


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